bumble and tinder 5 dates 5 days and takeaways

Ladies and gentlemen it has been a fantastic last couple of days! I thought I'd update you on whats been going on in my dating life! Firstly as the title of this post states ive been on 5 dates in 5 days..... heres a hilarious recap of some of those dates.

1.) Had a date with a nice nurse from kaysville. We made out, and chilled at her place... I have to admit I messed this one up guys. Firstly I went over to her place the day after we were messaging on tinder... secondly once we made out for like 10 minutes she kinda freake dout and was like

"ummmm this is my first time meeting someone off tinder and were just making out?!?!"

I in my kissing inebriated state thought that she was making a joke.... which she wasn't. I mistakenly laughed and went in for another kiss.... lets just say that didn't end very well.... lets just say htis pigs get fat hogs go to slaughter.

2.) After the nurse fiasco I decided just to go get a smoothie and see what happens... (might I add the girl I was going on a date with is actually a 3rd grade teacher and far more classy then the kissing conflicted nurse.) We sat down sucking down our Jamba juice and I tried my best to find a sittign position that would somehow grant me a view of the elementary school cuties legs. This girl was the type of girl that you would bring home to your parents! Aside from an awkward conversation about kids vomiting on her desk (I know it sounds funny but she was rather distraught).

End of date, we walk outside and it ends with a SIDE HUG!!!! what the heck?? So I get in my car and think hmmmmm didn't sense any mojo that things went badly.... two hours latter i receive this text.
BOLD=3rd grade teacher 
Italics=me

Hey, thanks again for the smoothie! I really did have fun getting to know you a little bit.

And I apologize that I showed up looking a little like a homeless person haha..... I just came straight from work!  

You seemed pretty nervous....... Haha and then that awkward side hug.... Lol didn't think you'd be texting me 

And I honestly didn't think you'd text back... Confession: I was pretty nervous (since we're stating the obvious) haha and I'm SO sorry about that hug...

 I'm not sure what that was, other than something for me to awkwardly replay in my mind over and over on my way home haha

That the first time you've met someone off of bumble?

Haha yeah thanks for that :) And for the record that WAS my first bumble date... does that cut me some slack? 

And to answer your other question, I was nervous around you because the longer we sat there the more apparent it was to me that you seem like a pretty gr

eat guy.... and pretty attractive one too I might add...

Lets just say we have another date lined up.... And found out this cutie Pa tootie has only kissed 3 men in her life?? fascinating. I'm actually gonna close this up and do some work.... however my next post I will touch on the 3 other dates. here is some bumble take aways

simple bumble rule takeaways. 

1.) Women are extremely freaked out that the person that they are going to meet is going to be some sort of crazy stalker..... play is super cool..... 

2.) If a woman acts skiddish take two steps back.... then two more 

3.) If you look better in person than your pics this will make girls feel A LOT more comfortable around you. 

4.) Short dates.... public dates.... then chill out After that date I was wondering "what the heck happened is she still interested"... refuse the feeling to text them.....

leave your questions or comments below.... or hate on me and call me a douche like I care obviously plenty of women like me regardless. 

Temple Interview During Make Out???

So i was recently making out with a girl... on the first date (what else would you expect.) In the middle of the makeout the girl turned to me and said.

" So are you a virgin?"
"umm yes and i just got off of a mission"
"Have you ever done hard drugs?"
"nope"
"What about Meth?"
"Look (name withheld) I just got off of my mission three weeks ago does that count for anything?"
"Well I'm just trying to make sure that your a good guy."

But then the whammy hit after her next question.

"Have you ever been disfellowshipped, or excommunicated?"
"No I have not been excommunicated."
"Have you ever had a pornography addiction, cause like I know those always come back."

Hmm..... this was one of the oddest encounteres that ive ever had with a woman especially while I'm shoving my tongue down her throat...... BUT THE ODDEST THING WAS THIS WOMAN WAS KISSING ME LIKE CRAZY!!!!! Any woman who kisses me like that shouldn't be grilling me about my "standing in the church, or chastity/word of wisdom level."

then again what else can you expect from a bumble date eh? Morale of the story is this

1.) Atonement actually exists. (this girl seemed to not think so)
2.) You can get a woman so irrationally attracted to you that she will give you a temple interview whilst shoving her tongue down your throat.
3.) Bumble and tinder are almost guaranteed makeouts.