Mormon Valentines Dates

First off.................... This is a mens guide................


This post is in 3 parts

1.) Dates
2.) Movies for your date.
3.) What you should be doing this day.

Awesome hopefully all the women have moved onto some article on "the does and don'ts of today" and "How to not seem like a slut in these latter days".

Sick Ass V-Day Dates

5.) Go volunteer at a boys home- This date is oh so epic if you can set it up. First off you come off as a super sensitive caring guy. Then your also going around a group of the "bad kids boy scouts " I love this date mainly because 

• When you walk in to volunteer with a hot girl into a boys home, these boys will view you as a "Brad Pitt" and your girl as "Angelina Jolie". Your confidence and testosterone will literally shoot through the roof. Making you both feel awesome and make you kill with whoever you took on a date. 
• If this girl obviously can't handle being around any "large groups of young boys" she obviously won't be able to handle my children. (what you think that there is any remote possibility of me having girls?) 
• I like to love people that can love other people, this is the audition
• Helping out kids is great

4.) Watch movie

• (see below) 

3.) Sporting event

• Games are fun, dates are fun. Did i mention that places go ape crazy with the kiss me cam on valentines day? 
• If she is to uppity to go see a game...... you will obviously not get away with jack shiz if you get married
• Meet her halfway if needs be and wear "matching outfits". (note if this is a pity date do NOT! go for the matching outfits at all.)

2.) Pawn Shops

• Look at guns
• Look at power tools
• Most pawn shops will allow you to choose a movie and plug it in. (your watching a film on 13 tv's at the same time in a pawn shop?....EPIC) 
• look at all the weird jewelry with her and pretend your shopping for wedding rings. 
• Soooo many opportunities at the pawn shop. You could even bring something in and pawn it.  

1.) Make Valentines for other people/Make fake valentines for old couples. 

So basically meet up with your date and help her make valentines for her "single friends" "fat friends" "Relatives". This is great because much like december 25th It is greater to give than t o rec ieve. 

• For a fake valentines blast......... 
• Make valentines to people from their exes........ deliver to both sides........watch dreams collapse and tears develop. 
• This is by far the meanest most epic form of a prank you can do in mormon culture. 

Movie select ion

If your going for a chick flick remember

• If you think its funny......not a chick flick
• If it has won any a c ademy awards.........not a chick flick
• If it has to mu ch violence....not a chick flick

Here are some go o d m o net mo vie s f o r Valentines day. 

1. Meet Joe black- Brad P itt, chick flick, 3 hours. Yet this movie is so long and bo ring.....even she will get bored...... guess who ends up getting a g u aranteed make out? you son.....you (hence a group date this is a the WORST movie c ho i ce !)
2. Anything Mathew Mcconaughey- Women think he's hot, guys think he is funny. The only man who can make unisex humor in a chick flick. 
3. Any film made before 19 60's- Why i say this is ............ those films will always be under hour and a half long (Minus Gone with the wind). 
4. "Safety Not guaranteed"- Its on netflix, its R but only for 5 "EFF BOMBS!" lets see how "chill" your girl truly is. 

Good luck all and happy hunting! 

DR NCMO Love Mas ter Jay! 

SO....Your hot....And Nice.....SO WHAT!

Recently I was on a date with a very good looking female. Things were going along great. Lots of laughing, fun, smiling, (she kept grabbing my arms and conveniently touching me). As my famous friend Derrick Z. would state "dude she was digging my can". Although it was an enjoyable experience between the "Wow you have worked a lot of different jobs!", "I like your shoes" and " Wow your really smart!" I kept asking myself these questions.

What the Heck do you BRING TO THE TABLE!?!?!?

  Now before  you go off and call me a chauvinistic pig that would happily bring back polygamy to the Mormon church in order to subjugate the LDS female population hear me out. .....  What makes an LDS girl a 10, or an ideal candidate. here are your bread and butter statements you will get from LDS males. 

• Hot
• Funny
• Smart
• Strong testimony

To all of these statements I SCREAM OUT!!! "SO WHAT?" Why have we in the LDS dating culture have we communicated to women that all they must do to be an ideal candidate is to have a hot body, good smile, not be a total bitch, and show up regularly to church. WHY WHY WHY! Let us as males phase out this fallacy of thought! Just because you attend church, are cute does not make you a ten honey. Here are some overlooked qualities all real men should look for in women.

1. Independence- Nothing is a bigger turn off for a guy than a girl who relies on mommy and daddy for absolutely everything. How can a girl who leaves college every other week to go on "Daddy daughter dates" with her father be ready for a serious relationship? Let alone marriage? I'm sorry your daddy will not be involved in every major decision of your future marriage lady..... And if he is............ he can help ya with the divorce toots. 
2. Motivated-Goodness if I ever meet a girl applying to law school, Med school, or any other non English or educated related masters program I might just have to kiss the lady on the mouth. Sadly I think a lot of women in this church are more motivated to "Have an Amazing Wedding", "An adorable family" or "The best Pinetrist/Facebook/Myspace profiles/pics in all the land". All litle boys and girls grow up knowing that someday they want to have children. What else? Have a Damn dream! I love women with passion, energy, motivated. 
3. Poor-"What!" you say. Yes I did. Nothing turns me on more than seeing a super hot 20 year old chick driving a piece of SH%(T car past me on the freeway. I won't look up the qoute but marry economically where you were raised. A poor girl that never grew up with the speed boat, and park city vacations is far more likely to share that one bedroom apartment in the hood while you start up your business/chase your dream. A woman that "refuses" to eat red beans and rice, or thinks "oatmeal is disgusting i will never eat it" will raise your children the same way. I love me a poor girl. Usually poor women are more motivated also...... damn i love poor girls. 
4. Free Thinker-It's sad when i meet girls who have straight A's, yet they make statements such as "I just listen to whatever is on the radio for music". "I will make 46,678 dollars a year once I graduate because that's what the stats say...... I introduced the topic of centralized banking into my date with said girl above, she got lost..... really lost. Does she love to read? Learn? Improve herself? Does she actually study the gospel? Original thought sadly is dying in america. Still find a woman who can think. 
5. Non Retarded Friends- Im sorry if you cant stand any of her friends............. dump her. She undoubtedly shares many same tastes, attitudes, and likes/mannerisms as her "crew". If it is like pulling nails when you do something with them, dump her. All women who i have hated their "crew" ended up being like them in the end! I was just blinded by "love". 

I could go on and on...............NAH. BTW I appreciate the fact that we have passed 5,000 hits! keep the word out! Date ideas coming up in the next post.

 Go find yourself some loving..................... Or a Woman...........Just find somethin..........

Dr NCMO Love Master Jay