Tinder me Up! Tinder advice for the mormon male. Part one constructing your profile

If you have a smart phone I know you have heard about the dating app tinder...... go look it up. I'm not an elementary school teacher so I won't be teaching you the basics of this app. I however will break down some ways you can score a ridiculous amount of dates/ncmo on this site.

Getting your profile together

On tinder you have about one second to make a good impression with hot women. This means you have to do a few things immediately. 

• Identify yourself- If a girls photo pops up on tinder and has more than one girl.... I always assume the girl is the ugly one. So I click no fast. Make sure you and only you are in the photo. If she can't identify...she will deny. I suggest you go with 3 types of first photo's 

1. What a normal nice guy- This is usually a picture of you looking nice, smiling, and doing something normal. Try to stay away form the mirror self portraits. Also stay away form photo's where your significantly different than your current body. 
2. OMFG thats hilarious- if you have a picture of you in an outfit or something that literally makes people launch a snot rocket from laughing then indeed you can put this photo up. however you probably will get the "attractive nice empty headed fun loving girl". With these photo's (note these chicks are so easy to score with.) 
3. You with women- Note this has to be done right. If women see's this photo and can identify that you are clearly in the friend zone with all of these chicks you know darn right she will automatically mark the "pussy" box in her mind and pass you. Make sure you and these women are out having fun. Also note these women need to be attractive. I know fat women are far more pleasant and less bitches than their hotter companions. (if you were out to get fatties lets face it you would never be on this site. Men who like fat women rate living in a golden age that the world has never seen.) 

• Mutual "likes"- On tinder two things pop up, mutual friends, and shared likes. The biggest thing is to establish commonality. "oh my gosh we both like running and taylor swift!" (I personally do not recommend liking taylor swift you will be labeled a pussy.) I do recommend two simple ways to use common likes to score dates. 

1. Go out and like as many things as you can- This is a simple strategy....... Yet deadly. When that girl pulls up the results and says "OMG he likes that also!" Commonality that magic word will score you more conversations, more intrest, and more dates. Now some of you nay sayers out their are saying "But what if they wanna talk about something I know nothing about. I have some simple answers. Tell women that you must have liked that on accident. Or........ you just get on this one website I use sometime www.google.com and do some freaking research you lazy broseph!
2. Talk about things people love- If you both love the goo goo dolls then of course you both will naturally start to like each other once you discuss the goo goo dolls! However dont approach it like an idiot! Say me and said girl both have a mutual like for switchfoot. I wont approach her and say

chump: "Hey do you like switchfoot?"

her: "yes"

chump: "Ummm thats awesome! I really like them also!"

her: "(no response)"

How you should ask about mutual likes.





me: "Switchfoot fan eh? You think the last album was on par with Hello Hurricane?"

her: "I actually havn't heard the last album, I was a huge switchfoot fan back in highschool. Sadly I am behind on whats happeinging with the band!

me: "Not a hardcore fan eh...... Hmm I guess i can overlook this, but only casue your so cute ;) You actually look like one of the women in (insert switchfoot music video link) Why the heck are you on tinder? you must have boys lined up to hit on you like fat kids in line for the icecream truck!

I will touch on more methods/strategies in the next tinder segment. UNTIL THEN.......

Dr. NCMO Love master Jay.

Dump........ The Friend Zone

Let's face it female friends suck........... either you like them, or them you. But lets face it someone is always using you. Here is a list of acceptable uses of female friends. (note because of the rapid marriage rate of LDS females, your "friend" will be married and gone soon anyway.

• Study partner for college class (only if you need her help, and she is better at the subject than you.) Don't let her use you as a free tutor and an emotional tampon for her failed relationships. 
• Relatives, cousins aunts sisters. Honestly develop these friendships over any other female friendships. Plus prospective girl friends will see your great relationships and think "wow this guy is dope". This is far better than her seeing you around a lot of girls that all deem you as "just a friend". 
• girlfriends/wives of a mutual friend. But note this is almost a half friendship if your roommate and his gf are constantly at your apartment you should prob be somewhat of a friend to them. 
• Exes that you no longer want to date, but are fine with the possibility of a FWB (friends with benefits situation.) 
• Co workers (note do not let her take advantage of you). 

Yep that's about it. So right now i want you to disapear from all your female "friends" lives. You will start to see a few dramatic things happen.

• Your old "friends" will start to wonder what your up to. They will call and start chasing you. 
• Women will start viewing you as "That guy who likes me" or "That guy who doesn't like me" instead of. "Oh he is such a good friend!" 
• You will start to have more self respect. 
• You will stop wasting your time and money hanging out with women who just want to use you. Why should you be spending your time hanging with someone else's GF/Wife
• You will save yourself all the frustration of "I don't know if she likes me" and or "It's a complicated situation. 

Now how do you stay out of friend zone with girls. It's simple, if you like a girl let them know that your interested in them sexually/romantically (don't let sexual be deemed a dirty word, kissing hugging cuddling can all be deemed sexual, everyone makes babies with their spouse lets not be babies about terms here). Notice how I didn't say "let them know you like them" NO NO NO "let them know your attracted and you wont settle for anything less."  Plus lets be honest how many guys are stuck HIDING THERE TRUE FEELINGS in order to keep "her friendship". When you hide your true feelings you end up lying to that person, suppressing things you want to say, and being a fake person WHO DOES NOT PURSUE OR CHASE WHAT HE WANTS! you essentially are bending to that woman's will. You are being a pansy. Lets stop being a pansy.

Homework/What you should have gotten out of this post. 

What you got out of it. 

• There is no reason to have female "friends" 
• Stop hiding your intentions/attraction towards females. 

Homework

1. End or significantly reduce all female friendships
2. Stop doing favors for your female "friends" 
3. Don't apologize to your female "friends" for not being there for them.
4. Stop being the shoulder to cry on for females, especially in dating. Just say "hey i'm not your girl friend i don't wanna hear about johnny making out with your sister."

Good luck

DR. NCMO LoveMaster Jay