bumble and tinder 5 dates 5 days and takeaways

Ladies and gentlemen it has been a fantastic last couple of days! I thought I'd update you on whats been going on in my dating life! Firstly as the title of this post states ive been on 5 dates in 5 days..... heres a hilarious recap of some of those dates.

1.) Had a date with a nice nurse from kaysville. We made out, and chilled at her place... I have to admit I messed this one up guys. Firstly I went over to her place the day after we were messaging on tinder... secondly once we made out for like 10 minutes she kinda freake dout and was like

"ummmm this is my first time meeting someone off tinder and were just making out?!?!"

I in my kissing inebriated state thought that she was making a joke.... which she wasn't. I mistakenly laughed and went in for another kiss.... lets just say that didn't end very well.... lets just say htis pigs get fat hogs go to slaughter.

2.) After the nurse fiasco I decided just to go get a smoothie and see what happens... (might I add the girl I was going on a date with is actually a 3rd grade teacher and far more classy then the kissing conflicted nurse.) We sat down sucking down our Jamba juice and I tried my best to find a sittign position that would somehow grant me a view of the elementary school cuties legs. This girl was the type of girl that you would bring home to your parents! Aside from an awkward conversation about kids vomiting on her desk (I know it sounds funny but she was rather distraught).

End of date, we walk outside and it ends with a SIDE HUG!!!! what the heck?? So I get in my car and think hmmmmm didn't sense any mojo that things went badly.... two hours latter i receive this text.
BOLD=3rd grade teacher 
Italics=me

Hey, thanks again for the smoothie! I really did have fun getting to know you a little bit.

And I apologize that I showed up looking a little like a homeless person haha..... I just came straight from work!  

You seemed pretty nervous....... Haha and then that awkward side hug.... Lol didn't think you'd be texting me 

And I honestly didn't think you'd text back... Confession: I was pretty nervous (since we're stating the obvious) haha and I'm SO sorry about that hug...

 I'm not sure what that was, other than something for me to awkwardly replay in my mind over and over on my way home haha

That the first time you've met someone off of bumble?

Haha yeah thanks for that :) And for the record that WAS my first bumble date... does that cut me some slack? 

And to answer your other question, I was nervous around you because the longer we sat there the more apparent it was to me that you seem like a pretty gr

eat guy.... and pretty attractive one too I might add...

Lets just say we have another date lined up.... And found out this cutie Pa tootie has only kissed 3 men in her life?? fascinating. I'm actually gonna close this up and do some work.... however my next post I will touch on the 3 other dates. here is some bumble take aways

simple bumble rule takeaways. 

1.) Women are extremely freaked out that the person that they are going to meet is going to be some sort of crazy stalker..... play is super cool..... 

2.) If a woman acts skiddish take two steps back.... then two more 

3.) If you look better in person than your pics this will make girls feel A LOT more comfortable around you. 

4.) Short dates.... public dates.... then chill out After that date I was wondering "what the heck happened is she still interested"... refuse the feeling to text them.....

leave your questions or comments below.... or hate on me and call me a douche like I care obviously plenty of women like me regardless. 

Temple Interview During Make Out???

So i was recently making out with a girl... on the first date (what else would you expect.) In the middle of the makeout the girl turned to me and said.

" So are you a virgin?"
"umm yes and i just got off of a mission"
"Have you ever done hard drugs?"
"nope"
"What about Meth?"
"Look (name withheld) I just got off of my mission three weeks ago does that count for anything?"
"Well I'm just trying to make sure that your a good guy."

But then the whammy hit after her next question.

"Have you ever been disfellowshipped, or excommunicated?"
"No I have not been excommunicated."
"Have you ever had a pornography addiction, cause like I know those always come back."

Hmm..... this was one of the oddest encounteres that ive ever had with a woman especially while I'm shoving my tongue down her throat...... BUT THE ODDEST THING WAS THIS WOMAN WAS KISSING ME LIKE CRAZY!!!!! Any woman who kisses me like that shouldn't be grilling me about my "standing in the church, or chastity/word of wisdom level."

then again what else can you expect from a bumble date eh? Morale of the story is this

1.) Atonement actually exists. (this girl seemed to not think so)
2.) You can get a woman so irrationally attracted to you that she will give you a temple interview whilst shoving her tongue down your throat.
3.) Bumble and tinder are almost guaranteed makeouts.

Victory is Imminent

Victory 

What is victory? I recently had a buddy of mine date 3 women simultaneously...... for two months, with all the women knowing about the others. However because of a blow up, and the loss of all 3 of his women he views the experience as a loss!!!! 

Now i'm not condoning dating three women at the same time (nor do I condemn it). However Jim just pulled off a feat most mormon males couldn't dream of in their wildest middle of the mission wet dream! So as college starts up its important that we start to appreciate the small victories..... and take credit. I recently had a co-worker of mine complain to me about him not being seen as management material (when he obviously is). I told him he needs to start taking credit for his accomplishments. 

Taking credit for YOUR Accomplishments!

Here are some easy scenarios of things that might happen and your reactions. They are sorted into 3 district categories. 

1. Pussy 
2. Mr Mormon friend zone 
3. Brigham's Boy (the man didn't have that many wives, children, and make the federal government send out an army because of fear of his manliness because he was a pansy.) 

When you approach that girl, and get blown off

• Pussy- Mope around your apartment and talk about how all women in this church are "biatches". Somehow twist it into how if you were only 6 foot instead of 5 foot 8 everything will be alright. Also blame all NCAA athletes especially athletes, because by some miracle they are seeing every single women at your college. 
• Mr Friend Zone- Oh she must be having a really bad day. Make her cookies and come over with your mutual friend. Then try to talk to her about her past "FEELINGS" and "Past relationships." 
• Brigham's Boy- Smile and walk it off. Congratulate yourself on approaching a smoking hottie. Be happy that you didn't end up getting into a relationship with such a rude, bitter, vain woman. Make a goal to approach two more women the next day. 

When you ask out the girl in the ward you have a crush on, and get told she's dating someone in the ward.

• Pussy- Sulk in your room. Apologize 5 times for hitting on her. Then make it very clear that you only consider her a friend. Not notice that she has tuned you out and is now walking away. 
• Mr Friend Zone- Make plans to become friends with her boyfriend, and the girl. Then drive a wedge between both of them with lies and trickery..... then watch her leave for another man not you. 
• Brigham's Boy- Walk away, look for another girl. 

Most of all................. ASSUME YOU WILL WIN! and................. YOU WILL! 

always always assume success. 

Dr NCMO Love Master Jay. 

Tinder Advice Part 2A

I'll be honest. I just got 6 yes six bonafide hotties to go out with me on tinder. I am super pleased with the list. I'll break down the list. And once I select one of these girls to date (If I do at all). I will post pictures of these girls with a black stripe over their eyes to maintain anonymity.

My six women and how I got them on Tinder. 

Each woman I used a different strategy. I'll break down all 6 below. 

1.) Former Utes Cheerleader. (Who is an absolute doll.) 

I used the "Wow what freak thing brought awesome people like you and me to use this dating app." This is a strategy you can't use if your ugly. (sorry man if your pushing 300 pounds no woman will believe that you have a plethora of women..... especially if they meet you on a online dating app.) 

• Use an opener of your in shock a classy, good-looking, sexy girl like herself is on the dating app. Possible openers can be "Wow you seem far to nice and adorable to be on this app! Whats the story behind you using this? Bet you have to beat the boys off with a stick!" 

• To make this work well you have to have screening wording in your profile description. stuff like "I only date blondes." or "I'm just on here for fun highly unlikely I'll go out with anyone on here just doing this for kicks." or "No crazies please!" This wording implies that you already have women hitting on you and you are indeed "screening" women and searching for a "High quality woman". 
• I talked with the cheerleader. During which we both talked about how people are so over the top when trying to get a date. How it was hard to find quality people. Then i just simply said "you seem really fun and super chill lets go to a baseball game next week. (You can insert any event here.) SHe said she would love to.... and "That SOUNDS SO FUN!" 

 2.) Make an Offer they can't refuse. 

• I landed a Grade a hottie whose family owns an up and coming chain of restraints here in the state of utah. Despite that fact this girl watches her diet and lets just say the female sex pack...... AMAZING!! (the type of girl you literally are tempted to date just to show off to your friends.) 
• On my initial approach I just went for the basic commonality approach. We both had liked the the Utah Jazz. I promptly asked her if she was just one of the fair weather "kyle korver" Female utah jazz fans. Then I placed a what she thought about the jazz stacking picks. Turned out she is a giant Utah Jazz fan. 

• Make the offer- Don't make it to unbelievable, but make it awesome. I promptly told her that I had Utah Jazz Pre Season court side seats and asked if she wanted to come. (this of course was a bold faced lie I have no such tickets.) However thats weeks away. So instead we went and got an ice cream (don't worry males her bod is still fine.) that ice cream cost me 50 cents (indeed we went to burger king.) The point is the "offer they can't refuse" opened the door, and her mind to hanging out with you..... Basically your in. 

3.) Appeal to Vanity- Every girl wants to be told she's pretty. Not "Hey babe your ass is a 9 out of 10" instead go with "wow you have such an awesome tan! What beach did you get that on? 

• I complemented a girls eyes. "Are your eyes on your picture photo shopped? Cause they sam to good to be true!" She replied back her thanks and that they are indeed hers. At which point i told her that they are gorgeous and melted me a little inside. After that it was like finding something green in the rainforest. Success was imminent. 

• Make sure to look for things you truly think are attractive. Features that most people overlook, style, fashion, and their tastes in music. People want to be popular, want to be complimented, feel unique. DOnt impress her let HER tell YOU about HERSELF! The more she tells YOU about HER the more SHE WILL LIKE YOU!!! 

I will break down the other 3 women. I have to go off to chill with my brother. (Bro's before Ho's) 

this man could use some advice from ME. 

Me= Dr. NCMO Love Master Jay 

happy hunting my friends! 

Tinder me Up! Tinder advice for the mormon male. Part one constructing your profile

If you have a smart phone I know you have heard about the dating app tinder...... go look it up. I'm not an elementary school teacher so I won't be teaching you the basics of this app. I however will break down some ways you can score a ridiculous amount of dates/ncmo on this site.

Getting your profile together

On tinder you have about one second to make a good impression with hot women. This means you have to do a few things immediately. 

• Identify yourself- If a girls photo pops up on tinder and has more than one girl.... I always assume the girl is the ugly one. So I click no fast. Make sure you and only you are in the photo. If she can't identify...she will deny. I suggest you go with 3 types of first photo's 

1. What a normal nice guy- This is usually a picture of you looking nice, smiling, and doing something normal. Try to stay away form the mirror self portraits. Also stay away form photo's where your significantly different than your current body. 
2. OMFG thats hilarious- if you have a picture of you in an outfit or something that literally makes people launch a snot rocket from laughing then indeed you can put this photo up. however you probably will get the "attractive nice empty headed fun loving girl". With these photo's (note these chicks are so easy to score with.) 
3. You with women- Note this has to be done right. If women see's this photo and can identify that you are clearly in the friend zone with all of these chicks you know darn right she will automatically mark the "pussy" box in her mind and pass you. Make sure you and these women are out having fun. Also note these women need to be attractive. I know fat women are far more pleasant and less bitches than their hotter companions. (if you were out to get fatties lets face it you would never be on this site. Men who like fat women rate living in a golden age that the world has never seen.) 

• Mutual "likes"- On tinder two things pop up, mutual friends, and shared likes. The biggest thing is to establish commonality. "oh my gosh we both like running and taylor swift!" (I personally do not recommend liking taylor swift you will be labeled a pussy.) I do recommend two simple ways to use common likes to score dates. 

1. Go out and like as many things as you can- This is a simple strategy....... Yet deadly. When that girl pulls up the results and says "OMG he likes that also!" Commonality that magic word will score you more conversations, more intrest, and more dates. Now some of you nay sayers out their are saying "But what if they wanna talk about something I know nothing about. I have some simple answers. Tell women that you must have liked that on accident. Or........ you just get on this one website I use sometime www.google.com and do some freaking research you lazy broseph!
2. Talk about things people love- If you both love the goo goo dolls then of course you both will naturally start to like each other once you discuss the goo goo dolls! However dont approach it like an idiot! Say me and said girl both have a mutual like for switchfoot. I wont approach her and say

chump: "Hey do you like switchfoot?"

her: "yes"

chump: "Ummm thats awesome! I really like them also!"

her: "(no response)"

How you should ask about mutual likes.





me: "Switchfoot fan eh? You think the last album was on par with Hello Hurricane?"

her: "I actually havn't heard the last album, I was a huge switchfoot fan back in highschool. Sadly I am behind on whats happeinging with the band!

me: "Not a hardcore fan eh...... Hmm I guess i can overlook this, but only casue your so cute ;) You actually look like one of the women in (insert switchfoot music video link) Why the heck are you on tinder? you must have boys lined up to hit on you like fat kids in line for the icecream truck!

I will touch on more methods/strategies in the next tinder segment. UNTIL THEN.......

Dr. NCMO Love master Jay.

Mormon Valentines Dates

First off.................... This is a mens guide................


This post is in 3 parts

1.) Dates
2.) Movies for your date.
3.) What you should be doing this day.

Awesome hopefully all the women have moved onto some article on "the does and don'ts of today" and "How to not seem like a slut in these latter days".

Sick Ass V-Day Dates

5.) Go volunteer at a boys home- This date is oh so epic if you can set it up. First off you come off as a super sensitive caring guy. Then your also going around a group of the "bad kids boy scouts " I love this date mainly because 

• When you walk in to volunteer with a hot girl into a boys home, these boys will view you as a "Brad Pitt" and your girl as "Angelina Jolie". Your confidence and testosterone will literally shoot through the roof. Making you both feel awesome and make you kill with whoever you took on a date. 
• If this girl obviously can't handle being around any "large groups of young boys" she obviously won't be able to handle my children. (what you think that there is any remote possibility of me having girls?) 
• I like to love people that can love other people, this is the audition
• Helping out kids is great

4.) Watch movie

• (see below) 

3.) Sporting event

• Games are fun, dates are fun. Did i mention that places go ape crazy with the kiss me cam on valentines day? 
• If she is to uppity to go see a game...... you will obviously not get away with jack shiz if you get married
• Meet her halfway if needs be and wear "matching outfits". (note if this is a pity date do NOT! go for the matching outfits at all.)

2.) Pawn Shops

• Look at guns
• Look at power tools
• Most pawn shops will allow you to choose a movie and plug it in. (your watching a film on 13 tv's at the same time in a pawn shop?....EPIC) 
• look at all the weird jewelry with her and pretend your shopping for wedding rings. 
• Soooo many opportunities at the pawn shop. You could even bring something in and pawn it.  

1.) Make Valentines for other people/Make fake valentines for old couples. 

So basically meet up with your date and help her make valentines for her "single friends" "fat friends" "Relatives". This is great because much like december 25th It is greater to give than t o rec ieve. 

• For a fake valentines blast......... 
• Make valentines to people from their exes........ deliver to both sides........watch dreams collapse and tears develop. 
• This is by far the meanest most epic form of a prank you can do in mormon culture. 

Movie select ion

If your going for a chick flick remember

• If you think its funny......not a chick flick
• If it has won any a c ademy awards.........not a chick flick
• If it has to mu ch violence....not a chick flick

Here are some go o d m o net mo vie s f o r Valentines day. 

1. Meet Joe black- Brad P itt, chick flick, 3 hours. Yet this movie is so long and bo ring.....even she will get bored...... guess who ends up getting a g u aranteed make out? you son.....you (hence a group date this is a the WORST movie c ho i ce !)
2. Anything Mathew Mcconaughey- Women think he's hot, guys think he is funny. The only man who can make unisex humor in a chick flick. 
3. Any film made before 19 60's- Why i say this is ............ those films will always be under hour and a half long (Minus Gone with the wind). 
4. "Safety Not guaranteed"- Its on netflix, its R but only for 5 "EFF BOMBS!" lets see how "chill" your girl truly is. 

Good luck all and happy hunting! 

DR NCMO Love Mas ter Jay! 

Dump........ The Friend Zone

Let's face it female friends suck........... either you like them, or them you. But lets face it someone is always using you. Here is a list of acceptable uses of female friends. (note because of the rapid marriage rate of LDS females, your "friend" will be married and gone soon anyway.

• Study partner for college class (only if you need her help, and she is better at the subject than you.) Don't let her use you as a free tutor and an emotional tampon for her failed relationships. 
• Relatives, cousins aunts sisters. Honestly develop these friendships over any other female friendships. Plus prospective girl friends will see your great relationships and think "wow this guy is dope". This is far better than her seeing you around a lot of girls that all deem you as "just a friend". 
• girlfriends/wives of a mutual friend. But note this is almost a half friendship if your roommate and his gf are constantly at your apartment you should prob be somewhat of a friend to them. 
• Exes that you no longer want to date, but are fine with the possibility of a FWB (friends with benefits situation.) 
• Co workers (note do not let her take advantage of you). 

Yep that's about it. So right now i want you to disapear from all your female "friends" lives. You will start to see a few dramatic things happen.

• Your old "friends" will start to wonder what your up to. They will call and start chasing you. 
• Women will start viewing you as "That guy who likes me" or "That guy who doesn't like me" instead of. "Oh he is such a good friend!" 
• You will start to have more self respect. 
• You will stop wasting your time and money hanging out with women who just want to use you. Why should you be spending your time hanging with someone else's GF/Wife
• You will save yourself all the frustration of "I don't know if she likes me" and or "It's a complicated situation. 

Now how do you stay out of friend zone with girls. It's simple, if you like a girl let them know that your interested in them sexually/romantically (don't let sexual be deemed a dirty word, kissing hugging cuddling can all be deemed sexual, everyone makes babies with their spouse lets not be babies about terms here). Notice how I didn't say "let them know you like them" NO NO NO "let them know your attracted and you wont settle for anything less."  Plus lets be honest how many guys are stuck HIDING THERE TRUE FEELINGS in order to keep "her friendship". When you hide your true feelings you end up lying to that person, suppressing things you want to say, and being a fake person WHO DOES NOT PURSUE OR CHASE WHAT HE WANTS! you essentially are bending to that woman's will. You are being a pansy. Lets stop being a pansy.

Homework/What you should have gotten out of this post. 

What you got out of it. 

• There is no reason to have female "friends" 
• Stop hiding your intentions/attraction towards females. 

Homework

1. End or significantly reduce all female friendships
2. Stop doing favors for your female "friends" 
3. Don't apologize to your female "friends" for not being there for them.
4. Stop being the shoulder to cry on for females, especially in dating. Just say "hey i'm not your girl friend i don't wanna hear about johnny making out with your sister."

Good luck

DR. NCMO LoveMaster Jay